My tryst with the college internet

Imagine sitting in front of one of the college computers say in the Opal CC or in iLab (you can safely assume that people on either side of you are shamelessly ogling at your screen). You are in the middle of a seemingly endless wait for some harmless webpage to open. Suddenly you find that the level of interest shown by the people gaping at your screen has soared sharply.

You find yourself for a moment stunned beyond speech as you look at the admonishing message on the screen that chides you for trying to open the page. The reason? 'Pornography(Malaysian)', 'Pornography(Italian)', 'Pornography(Japanese)'. By the way, how can a page have porn content in all these languages?

As you are pondering about this, you suddenly get the sense to minimise the window. You look at the people on the either side having reproving expressions. You give a bleak smile wishing you would vanish right now to a place far far away, say probably close to the Sahara Desert.

Oh! You do get used to it after a couple of such embarrassing encounters. Trust me, experience speaks.

PS : Right now, I'm trying to achieve the enviable feat of being at the receiving end of all such messages. Who knows, my name may feature in the " 'REC' book of records "

I was travelling in a bus from the railway station to my college.
The following is the conversation I had with the lady sitting beside me:

LADY : endha college (which college?)

ME : (trying not to sound too proud)NIT

LADY :???

ME : (correcting myself)REC

LADY :oh! endha ooru?Kerala va? (which place are you from?Kerala?)

Anki : (snigger,snigger ,snigger)

ME : (fuming and thinking) everyone knows our college is filled with mallus and more mallus and more mallus...

ME : (telling her)illa ... chennai (No... chennai)

The lady first looks at me as though I am a mentally retarded person.Then her expression changes to pity and she asks

LADY : en ma chennai-la evalo nalla college-lam irruku ... Sathyabama , Jeppiar college ... edhuluyame seat kadaikalaiya? ( There are so many good colleges in chennai like sathayabama,jeppiar college etc. Didn't you get admission in any of them?)

ME : (no words coming out of my mouth)um... um ... um

Anki: (by now red with laughter snigger,snigger,more snigger)

LADY : (unmindful of the laughter and discomfort continues proudly) en ponnu sathyabama college-la padikara (My daughter studies in sathyabama college)

ME :(fervently praying the bus reaches my college soon)oh appadiya! (Oh ! Is that so?)

As soon I caught the first glimpse of the college from the bus, I rushed from my seat to the door ... not because I was eager to get back but because I'd been embarrased enough for the day.

PS 1: You might be wondering why I've written the conversation in Tamil and then translated it... well as HT says : things sound more embarrasing in tamil ...(HT : tamil-la sonna dhan oru punch irrukum)

PS 2 : ....

PS 3 : nothing ... I love PS3

From the pages of an unopened book(2)

As the day dawned, he continued staring at the sky through the open window of his bedroom. He had occupied the couch next to the window more than 6 hours before after an half-hour's effort to get some sleep proving futile. As if the sight of the orange sun gave him new energy,he suddenly stood up and looked around himself. He noticed that nothing had moved since the time he had occupied the couch, including his friend who lay peacefully asleep on the bed next to his.

He had always envied his friend ever since he had known him.His friend was so calm even in nerve-wrecking situations.He had often wondered how.But,today the sight of his friend's calm face was testing his nerves.Impulsively, he went and shook him. His friend grinned with half-open eyes on seeing his tensed face and muttered, "Hey, chill dude.It'll turn out alrite". Unconvinced, he gave a watery smile to his friend who had drifted back to sleep."I mustn't annoy him too much. It'll mean trouble for me only.",he thought,rebuking himself. He paced the bedroom a few times befor picking up the file that lay on his bed. He held it carefully and flicked through the pages .Curriculam vitae,certificates,transcripts,... yes everything was there. He took a closer look at the transcripts to see if someone may realise they were fake."No",he thought "I'm just being too paranoid."This file was the result of 48 hours of hard-work.It looked too perfect for anyone to doubt.He wondered if he had forgotten to include something."Passport,perhaps?",he questioned himself,"Did they ask for passport during job interviews?".But he had no chance of knowing as he had been unemployed from the day he had dropped out of college.

Today's was once in a lifetime opportunity. It could make or break his entire life."No",he told himself "I'm not going to spoil the day by being tensed.In the end, the confidence with which I speak is only going to prove decisive.Even if they ask for passport, I can make some excuse."

The clock struck 7 times indicating the time. He rushed to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for him and his friend. He returned with a tray having 4 sandwiches and 2 glasses of milk. His friend who had woken up by then, grinned and took the tray from him.By the time he had finished his glass of milk,his friend had devoured the sandwiches and the milk in his glass."We'll start in an hour.And buddy, you'll mess it up if you look so tensed",he friend said walking out of the room.

Exactly an hour later, he was driving the scooter with his friend at the back. They reached the police checkpoint and there was a long queue ahead.He had anticipated this. But,he knew his nerves wouldn't stand the wait.To his friend's surprise,he cut the queue and drove towards the policeman.Before his friend could come of the shock and rebuke him for his hasty action, he was already talking to the policeman. The policeman watched disinterestedly as he rambled on about how crucial this job was to him and if he didn't reach the place in another 20 minutes,it was as good as gone.

"You think the other people in the line are standing here because they want to?Are you the chief minister's son or something?",the policeman shouted,glaring at him.
"Saab,please saab.If you leave me early, God will bless you, my ammi,abbu,my entire family will bless you.Saab, please I really need this job ..."he pleaded.
The policeman cut him short saying, "Acha, you are begging so much so...".Then he came closer and whispered"100 Rs."
His friend who was really amused by now took out a fresh hundred rupee note and slid it into the policeman's half-outstretched hand. The policeman gave a brief grin and moved slightly back allowing them to proceed without checking.

He started the scooter and drove at full speed. Just after he turned around the corner, he stopped the scooter and got down.He wanted to jump up, throw his hands up in jubilation but he didn't want his friend to think he was too excited. He carefully removed the packets of cocaine tucked carefully on the inner side of his jean which were held tightly with his belt.As he handed them over to his friend, he said "That guy didn't even ask for the file to see if I'm really going for a job interview".
"I told you that policemen in this country aren't so thorough.They just want money we give them.Ok, then I'll go and deliver this to the party.I'll tell Salim bhai how good you were.He'll be really pleased to hear how you managed to escape without checking and he'll allow you to join our gang also. We need young people like you. Toh kal Salim bhai ke adde pe aajana"

Addicted!!!

One of the many things which me and my family don't(or should I say didn't) have in common was the craze for coffee. Its fantastic to note how the craze runs through generations in my family.
To my knowledge one of the greatest addicts of coffee was :(:( my grandmother. Her craze for caffine is unmatchable.She used to drink coffee at 9:30 in the morning, 1:00 in the afternoon and 5:00 in the evening. You might be thinking thats not much. But what I had refrained from mentioning there was that those were the official ones. Apart from that, whenever anybody ventured into our house (be it the postwoman, our next-house neighbours(ok,thats an endless list),even saleswomen,relatives(that is an infinite list again)),their only way to freedom was to drink the cup of coffee which my grandma thrusted in his/her hands. Only when the poor soul (ok, i agree i'm exagerating their plight bcoz not one of them have ever complained about the coffee, some have even asked for another cup and have thus managed to gain an appreiciative smile from her) had started drinking would my grandmother settle down next to them (with a cup of her own,of course) and talk.
The next generation which comprises of my dad and aunts, gleefully inherited this habit from her. But, when my turn came my mother ensured I survived on complan,bonus(yes, there was something like that) etc. etc. I say etc. etc. not because I not remember the names but the list too long because my mother keeps switching from one to another. Ask my mother and she'll tell you in which month of which year I had what (ok, no more praises. Right now, I'm in a state of war with her).So I never even had an opportunity to venture near coffee.
When I came to college, there no mom to stand behind me and watch what I eat and drink. But, I still continued on plain milk (read as water, if you've had milk from the mess) and tea.Reason?Simple. Both of them were readily available whereas we had to prepare coffee.
But, after coming home things have changed. I noticed this shop which has an instant coffee vending machine. The first day I noticed it, I passed by it defiantly looking the other way. I didn't want to get hooked up to anything. But, as I've always felt, its fate that made me go and buy my first coffee there (on the second day of my holidays).Why?Ok, see I have valid reasons. It was raining,I was alone at home,I wanted to have something hot and I had never tried making a single cup of coffee in my life (not even for my grandma who used to bribe me with chocolates).That was the innocuous beginning to this addiction I'm caught in. Now, everyday I drink 2 cups of instant coffee. Everytime I think about coffee I start fidgeting.Sometimes,I wonder if this is how drug addicts feel.


PS:With full faith on my laziness there is a glimmer of hope that I might give up coffee after coming back to college (remember, we have to make our own coffee there)

And most importantly, don't tell my mom. Shhh...

From the pages of an unopened book...

PS: This is a work of fiction culminated from the random ramblings of the author and hence (Obviously) doesn't resemble anyone living or dead. (Hee HEE!!!)
Amar opened his eyes drowsily and groped in the darkness for his alarm clock. The glowing arms of the clock indicated that the time was 5:55 am, which meant there was five minutes left for it to start buzzing. Turning it off, he pulled the curtains back. Sunlight streamed into the bedroom lighting it up instantly. He pulled out his journal from under his pillow and made a note of the time he woke up. As he caressed its thick blue cover, he idly contemplated on the monotony that had settled into his life. His journal which he never parted with, was a reflection of the same. His routine which never changed was well documented in his journal.
After a quick shower, he made his own breakfast which consisted of a glass of boiled milk and four slices of toasted bread groaning under the weight of excessive butter. Yesterday, his wife had stormed out of the house after they had had one of their innumerable arguments. He had diligently made note of it in his journal. Stuffing food into his mouth with one hand, he slowly opened his yesterday’s entry in the journal and glanced at it. Now, he could vividly recollect the whole episode. He finished his breakfast and rushed to catch a bus to his office which was located at the other end of the city.
As he travelled in the rickety bus, his mind went over the fight he had had with his wife yesterday evening. As soon as he had entered the house, his wife had rushed in from the kitchen to make him comfortable. He had wondered aloud, “Why this sudden concern? Do you want some money?” This, he realized, had been his biggest mistake. He himself had opened the controversial topic which had been the cause of several of their recent fights. What had followed was something he shuddered to think about. His wife had started wailing at the top of her voice telling him in so many words that he was jeopardizing the future of their son. She had further accused him of using the money he earned on drugs. His anger had risen at that instant and he had struck hard across her face. After she had stormed out of the house and he had calmed down, he had realized the truth in her words. Due to his inability to provide money, their son had had to discontinue his college studies and was presently at home with a bleak future ahead of him. However, he realized wearily, there was a limit to what one could earn through straight-forward means.
The bus screeched to a halt in front of his office which was essentially a small dingy room where he sat all day receiving and sanctioning cheques. His employer was one of the richest men in the city. He had left Amar in-charge of his transport agency consisting of over fifty vehicles. As he entered and sat in front of his old table, the driver of one of the trucks rushed in. He remembered that he had to give him money before he left for the long trip to Delhi. “How much?” he enquired rhetorically. He knew he had to give him Rs. 10000. He was shocked to hear him ask for double the amount. When he raised his eyebrows, the man smiled and said, “Sir, Life is all about making adjustments. Please do me a favour and give me the money. I’ll give you Rs. 5000 for your help”. Amar thought for a minute and then agreed, “This is the first and last time I’m doing something like this .I’ll somehow adjust this in the record. Now, take Rs. 15000 and leave before someone else comes in.” The driver smiled and made his way out. Amar opened his journal to make a note of this transaction. He always had a habit of recording every single transaction of his in journal . Suddenly, he could hear pattering of feet and he jerked his head up only to see his employer and a policeman rush into the office. He couldn’t understand anything and stared blankly at them as they came and stood in front of him.
His employer spoke to the man in uniform, “Now, that we have caught him red-handed, you can arrest him officer. I have always suspected that some sort of adjustments have been going on in the office records.” He turned to Amar and said reproachfully, “I have always treated you like my own son. I left you in-charge of the office because I had complete faith in you.” The officer said, “Mr. Amar, the whole episode that took place here was a pre-arranged one. I have sufficient proof to arrest you for being involved in bribery.” Amar retorted, “I agree with you. You have proof that I was taking bribe this time. But without proof you can’t accuse me of having been involved in it previously”. The policeman nodded and turned to the employer. “He’s right. How do we get proofs of his earlier dealings?” The employer’s eyes wandered and suddenly a flash of realization was seen on his face. With a smug look he said, “I think if we look through his journal, we’ll get sufficient proof.” For a moment, a look of terror clouded Amar’s face. Then, his face relaxed and he handed over the bulky journal to the officer in uniform. “Feel free to look through it”, he added, confidently.
The policeman who had noticed the change of expressions in his face knew for sure that the journal contained some important information. But, as he turned the pages of the journal, he saw that only Amar’s boring routine filled the pages. With a disappointed look he was about to hand the journal back, when the employer stopped him. “We saw him making an entry of today’s act. So you can use the diary as an additional proof for atleast that.” he said. The policeman turned the pages rapidly only to find it hadn’t been recorded. By now, his suspicions grew and he understood that something was amiss. He had watched Amar filling his journal with his own eyes but now, he was unable to find the entry. He flipped the pages of the journal until he reached the last page. He went over the whole situation in his mind while he unconsciously caressed the back cover.
As he continued doing so, he could see a small flap on the inside part of the back cover. As he moved the flap aside, he could see pages filled with details of bribes taken. On finding that his secret had been discovered, Amar hung his head in shame and confided, “I thought I was smart and had hidden these pages containing details of the bribes I had taken under a flap. Now that, it has been discovered there is nothing left for me to say”. He turned to his employer and said, “Sir, I’m sorry to have taken you for a ride. My wife found out about my addiction to drugs and refused to give me any money. I used all the money I had saved for my son’s college fees on drugs. When I was left with no money, I had no other go but to cheat”, he started sobbing.

'ad'in 'em

Most of the regular ‘TV-watchers’ get irked by the ads that are displayed when they are trying to give their undivided attention to their favourite TV serial. On the other hand, in my case its quite the reverse. I feel apart from cricket and other sports, ads are the only things worth watching on TV (not that I don’t watch anything else).Some of the ads are so creative that its gives me a special joy to watch and understand them.

Among the ads which I appreciate, Vodafone ads rank first. Vodafone alert ads are really special and keep you guessing till the end. Some of the unforgettable ones are the guy pacing in front of the maternity ward suddenly looking into his mobile which displays “India needs 6 runs from 2 balls”, a guy spending his entire day in the elevator to the annoyance of the lift-man only because of the alert which says “you’ll meet your soul-mate in the elevator”.

The MasterCard ads which come with the tagline” there are some things money can’t buy and for everything else there is MasterCard” are really cute and one never gets tired of watching them several times.

Meanwhile, there are some other ads which I remember because they are deliberately made sound dumb (I’m being nice when I say they are deliberately made dumb… God knows, probably it was an attempt at humour that miserably failed).The “bingo” ads deserve a special mention in this category. First, it was the “vango, pongo, bingo” one which was not only dumb but had this uncanny knack of getting on to my nerves. Though the next one which involved a guy tasting “bingo” before and after an accident is not as irritating , its much more dumb.

Though the primary aim of this post was to talk about television ads, I shall digress to mention a particular a bill board ad which impressed me a lot. It was near a bus-stop I used to frequent and it read “Even in Business dailies there is a business class and an economy class ”.The joy of reading and understanding it still lingers in my heart everytime I think about it. For those of you who didn’t get it, it is a dig at Economic times by the “hindu” group which runs Business Line.

changing 'times'?

When I went home for my sem hols,my dad had a surpise in store for me. Guess what??He had started subscribing for "times of india" which meant we were getting 4 newspapers everyday!!!(times, hindu, economic times(for my dad ,of course),indian express(i seldom read this)). Sounds Crazy?? Yeah, me and my Dad are crazy about newspapers.

Earlier our day used to start with "hindu".Not that I am a fan of "hindu",in fact , me and my Dad hate it.One of the prime reasons for our antagonist feelings is that "hindu" is a highly left-ist paper while both of us are extreme right-ist( ok, atleast i am).The reporting in "hindu" is also highly biased(if you are as ardent a reader of the sports page and the cricket comments as i am ,you would be nodding vigourously in agreement).Several important news items do not find an appropriate place and end up stowed in some small corner in the company of news that is much less significant.Some of the news are highly outdated and would have been covered by some other newspaper a couple of days ago.Hence,I hoped the entry of "times" would be a welcome change.

Now,after having read "times" everyday for several months I have a few words about it. While the volume of news in "times" is much more than in its competitor the quality of news is highly substandard(as my mom puts it).One of the "best" articles I have come across in chennai times is tittled"Hrithik Roshan has nothing to say" which goes about saying that Hrithik has no comments about Harman being his look alike!!!! And this is called news which is what chennai times is filled with!!! ("hindu's" supplements are so much better).One thing Ive noticed after having read the paper for several days is that once you read the title of the article and go on to the piece you find its got nothing more than the heading rewritten in more words.

Now that Ive spoken about some of the despicable aspects , let me come to those that I appreiciate.The reporting of several cases of public interest (like bomb blast)is highly praiseworthy as the final reports fill up the reader on the earlier phases of the case.The reporting is a highly balanced one(if the reporter has personal views ,it is seperately given as times view).The "times view and counter-view" is one of the best sections which elaborates on the pros and cons of a topic instead of just putting down a highly opiniated view of it.

After balancing the good and the bad points, I feel "times" is way better than its counter-part though all my hopes about it haven't come true.Actually ,nowadays ,after reading "times" I no longer feel like reading "hindu".

P.S: One of the articles in "times" that takes a dig at "hindu" for its biased reporting ,titled "Paper tigers , Tiger Papers" is an amazing read.